Craig Masta P Parker
Real Raider Fans Talk to Themselves
by, 10-02-2013 at 06:31 AM (295 Views)
Remember when “Real Men Wear Black” and “Real Women Wear Black Lace” t-shirts were all the rage in Oakland, Los Angeles, and the world? Everybody wore one. Today’s 2013 Oakland Raiders fans share a dubious universality with past and present following the 24 – 14 shellacking at the hands of the Washington Redskins.
We all wear black and talk to ourselves. For this writer, what follows is the convoluted conversation in my disheveled head between two dilapidated, hopeful-Raider-hateful-Raider selves:
Yes, it is going to be a long, long season.
We already knew that.
I was unable to watch the game because the cheapo owner of a sports bar does not even buy the GamePass for all NFL games. It is a sports bar but let's not get American football for the entire NFL season. Bug-tussle El Salvador.
You should get to like soccer.
I did look at the stats, though. Sebastian Janikowski came out after the Raiders defense created a major turnover to start the second half; he proceeded to miss a 52-yarder. Don't make it, miss it. Give me excuses on the miss. It is the holder's fault.
Kicking toward the south end zone is an exercise in futility. It’s like a Raider fan trying for their GED. Nobody makes 50-yarders going in the direction of Ricky's Sports Theater and Grill. Never have, never will. Previous coaches knew not to even try to kick towards San Leandro. After the missed field goal, Washington drove 58 yards for a touchdown, taking a lead they never relinquished.
White-man Matt Flynn was sacked seven times. What a joke.
Funny, it seemed like he was sacked more than that. Somewhere, Andrew Walter is smiling.
This is a defense that the opposition wasted in the Redskins' first three games, lighting the scoreboard for 98 points and chalking up 1,464 yards in total offense.
The first three opponents involved actual competition.
How many points did the Raiders score after going into the locker room? Zero. Good adjustments by the coaching staff. I was very impressed.
See comment above regarding attempted field goals headed toward the southern wild.
Like amateurs, the Raider coaching staff held off until Saturday to announce the starting QB, which befuddled the opposition.
As the story goes, Terrelle Pryor was on the practice field Saturday to see if he was fit to play Sunday. Before the telltale “hut” signaled the snap of the football, Pryor would sing out “Two-ninety-two, seven-forty-seven, nine-ninety-nine, Sears has a sale.” This went on about the same length as the El Salvador national anthem—around eight minutes. Then, before the football was snapped, Pryor took off running straight upfield full-blast. When the coaches asked him what in tarnation Pryor thought he was doing, Terrelle answered: “I gotta run the 440, coach.” The NFL lawyers decided he should sit on the sidelines Sunday. Coach Allen just looked perplexed.
It also befuddled the Raiders’ offensive line, who can't block in the first place. In the best of games, this O-line strives for mediocrity. Now they have to figure a new way to block, with one day preparation.
You are wise, Grasshopper.
These coaches are amateurs.
Please refer back to responses #3 and #6.
However, players win the game on the field, but DmcHamstring was out after the fourth game of the season this year.
Corpses have better physical stamina than McInjury.
The Redskins were giving up 32.7 points a game before today. It is going to be a long season.
One note of optimism. At least these Silver-and-Black players attempt to win. Last year’s Raiders did not. We like to watch Pryor because he is the athletic version of a tempest. Question: Would you rather watch a talented bunch of people who could care less or a no-talent bunch that gives you what they've got? Next year, with no more cap constraints, the Silver and Black can hit the free agent market in full stride--and sign the next horde of Javon Walkers and Larry Browns, Warren Sapps and Randy Mosses, Jerry Porters and Phillip Buchanons.
What was the saying of Bill King’s when Jessie Hester would drop yet another sure touchdown pass?
That is what is coming to Oaktown this Sunday. Philip Rivers is second only to LaDanaian Tomlinson in his astonishing won-loss record against the Silver and Black. Since he began starting for the powder blue and bolt, Rivers has compiled an 11 – 3 record against Oakland. That is an .846 winning percentage. The only percentage more certain of occurring is the U.S. Government shutting down this week. So far this 2013 season, Rivers has thrown eleven touchdowns, which is more than Matt Flynn will throw in his entire career (do you think Brandon Weeden is available? Maybe Reggie McKenzie could pick him up for $5 million).
Raider fans will regroup, we always do. In five different instances (1966, 1979, 1986, 1989, and 1994), the Raiders began the season 1 – 3 and went on to post respectable records. Of course, in some years they began 1 – 3 and went downhill from there--but we won’t talk about that right now. The San Diego Chargers are coming to town. The Oakland Raiders need to win an AFC West game. So Raider fans will stagger forward and do what we do best.
Wear black and talk to ourselves.
Author, Football’s Blackest Hole